Goodbye Too Soon

This week has been a rough one. Saturday, a good man who my husband knew really well passed away.  His kids and grandkids and great grand daughter are friends of ours. Tuesday was his viewing and wake.  I couldn't go to the viewing but met up with my husband afterwards for the wake.

While there i received a text message from my father that Hospice who had been called in earlier in the day for my Nana (grandma in Louisiana) was most likely not going to be with us much longer.  Tuesday March 19th at about 9:20 central time Nana passed away.

Both of these people were amazing people, who had lived long lives.  Both had been sick for a while, and had spouses who had passed before them.  While letting them go is not easy, it's comforting to know that they are not in pain, not sick, and with their loved ones again.

Today I got to work, and as I entered the school saw teachers, parents and children crying. A 3rd grader at the school passed away last night.  His older sister and cousin are in the same class as my client.  I spent the morning with a group of crying, hurting kids and I'm barely keeping it together myself.

How much loss can be endured in one week?

All I want to do right now is go hug my daughter.  I am so thankful to have her and my husband in my life.  So thankful for my family both here and in Louisiana. I am so thankful for the wonderful friends that I have, whether i have known them my whole life or have just met them recently, they are a great blessing.

Life's Treasures

I'm watching the snow come down and complaining on facebook about it.   But in all honestly I'm very happy with everyting that is going on.  It is life's treasures that makes everything worth it.

 

To start off with I'm at the end of my 25th week.  It will not be too much longer until our little boy joins the family.  I feel him moving and kicking daily, and he is as active as his big sister.

Last night was fun, well for me, not sure if it was as fun for Mike.  I'll let the pictures explain it.

 

 

 

Today as I prepare for a long to do list to knock out today (wonder where that energy is going to come from), my daughter got creative and made her own living room camp out.

 



The weather might be crap, but life is good!

Religion and Politics

If you want to kill a conversation with an arguement then you should talk about religion or politics. If you're my mother and I, you do both in one breath.

My mom and I have had an ongoing heated debated about gun control laws.

My mother thinks guns are dangerous and promote violence. That if the government were to put more laws in place and take existing guns, that we will have less tragedies like that of which happened at Sandy Hook Elementary in December.

I, however, see the gun laws as an infringement of 2nd ammendment rights. I see them as a catalyst for the destruction of the United States. My mains stance is that if you take away the general citizens means of self protection then criminals and tyranical governments have unstoppable power, and that that power will grow unchecked.

Today I received a private facebook message from my mother...

Rhiannon, I love you. But I'm perplexed. How can you profess to believe in someone who teaches love and non-violence. Someone who died for that belief yet you advocate for a law that gives people the means to commit violence. It doesn't make sense.

Yes, I believe in God. I believe in a God who is loving and patient, but also jealous and just.

God is Love. Romans 5:8 teaches us that "God demonstrates his love for us in that while we are still sinners Christ died for us"

But God is also a jealous God. He's jealous in that he dislikes when we turn away from him and follow idols. When our job, or persuit of money, or even hobbies, are of more importance than God he doesn't like it.

Jonah was so angry that God wanted him to preach to Ninivah, to the people who killed his family, that he ran away from Ninivah to Tarshish.

God is not a non-violent God. For his disobedience, Jonah was swallowed by a whale and stayed in the stomach of a whale for 3 days. It wasn't until he submitted to God that he was vomited up by the whale.

For their disobedience Jeruselum was invaded by the babylonians. God allowed their enemies to over run them, kill most of them off and drag the rest into exile.

But God does teach non-violence. We are to love our to love God and Our neighbors Luke 10:27 "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength. And love your neighbor as yourself"

We are taught to be tolerant. That it is only through showing the love of God to those who don't believe that they will ever come to know and understand the God they are unfamiliar with.

But if some armed person breaks into your house threatening your home and family, I am pretty sure you are not violating any of God's commands if you pull out your gun, point it at the intruder and give them the choice to leave or meet your God.

Owning a gun does not teach violence. Cain killed Able with his bare hands. Violence is learned through hate, and hate exists because sin exists.

Sin will exist in this world until Jesus comes again and makes a new heaven here on earth (yes that's what revelation says will happen). We are to protect ourselves from sin. We are to strive to avoid sin (though christians still sin as much as non christian, we are all sinners after all, christians have just sought forgiveness and strive to follow their savior).

As a christian I will do what I can to help my neighbor (fellow human), in anyway i can. But if said neighbor breaks into my house and threatens my family, i garentee they will leave on a stretcher if not in a body bag. I might be in one next to them, but I would gladly die to save those I love. God did that for me, why shouldn't i be willing to do that for them?

What Am I Suppose to Do With Her?

She makes me laugh... that's all I can say.  I never know what to expect from her. Her mind is not that of an ordinary preschooler.

Something connects differently for her upstairs...

My daughter comes down from playing with stuffed animals in her room.  Climbs up at her seat at the dinning room table and instead of saying "mommy i would like a snack" goes "ORDER UP! I would like a peanut butter sandwich and a glass of plain milk".

I'm pretty sure we've told her before that we don't run a restaurant.

Well i guess the cook and waitress needs to go put this order in...

Getting the Hang of Life

In the past year my life has changed a lot.

In March, my boyfriend of a little over a year and half and I got engaged.

In June, Alayna and I left our life, family and friends in Louisiana behind and moved back to my hometown here in Pennsylvania. 

In November, Mike and I married.  Alayna is still talking about it.  It was as exciting for her as it was for the two of us.

It has been two months.  We're still settling into our home and into our new lives. 

It has been great having a teammate to tag team with when my wonderful daughter has a relapse of her terrible two's (though shes pushing 3 1/2 now).

But it is still very much an adjustment.  We have to work around each others schedules, each others income (mine of which has not been of much help lately), and each others expectations. 

I have been a mother for nearly 3 1/2 years, but I have only been a wife for 2 months.  We're still figuring out our roles and what is important to each, and what we both need to swallow our pride and just let it go.

I have spent a lot of time struggling with just what my role is.  It's hard to be the homemaker i desire to be with work.  And now that we're expecting another child i feel this rush to figure out my place before yet another responibility is added to our lives.

My struggle comes from years of wondering where i fit in and what I'm meant to do, and with every life change i tend to relive these same fears and questions in life.  I know it will all come together. I know God is in it all.  And I know I'm not the only woman who finds themselves in these struggles.

That is why I have decided to abandone my old blog and start a new one. My personal journal fills up fast but not every adventure needs to be secret, some should be shared,  to let others know they're not alone, and so that those who read can offer this insight, advice, and comforting letting me know I am not alone either.